Unconditional Love: How to Have More for Yourself

Does any of this sound familiar?

  • I'm such a failure.
  • I'll never be able to achieve anything great.
  • People like me don't get second chances.

This isn't unconditional love.

We often call it negative self-talk and it haunts us like a ghost that never seems to go away no matter who amazing we appear to be to the outside world.

I'm currently reading The Mastery of Self by Don Miguel Ruiz Jr.  There's an exercise in Chapter 3: Unconditional Love for Yourself that I went through and wanted to share with you.

If you've followed my journey, you know a lot has happened along the way. Often the not-so-pretty side of life experiences can leave a negative stamp on our psyche.

Therefore, it's imperative that we do the deep work necessary to heal ourselves.

This exercise will allow you to identify and vanquish what the Toltec tradition calls the Parasite (aka the negative voice of the narrator).


Step 1.  Look at yourself in the mirror and notice all the self-judgment that rise in the next few moments and write down what incites the strongest emotional response on a piece of paper.

Note: Don't skip this step, it's extremely important that you write it down!

Step 2. Now take a moment to remember when as many instances when you've used this judgment against yourself. Maybe you've been saying it for years on end repeating it in your head.

Now it's time to go deep and investigate the source and how it's affected you.

On the same sheet of paper, write down these questions followed by your answers:

  • Is this a judgment you learned from someone else? Can you remember when you learned it, and from whom?
  • Have you repeated this judgment about yourself to someone else?
  • How has this judgment shaped your actions? Have you denied yourself opportunities or failed to take risks because of it?

Step 3.  Read your responses and ask then ask yourself this very important question:

  • Do you still want to let this judgment control your life?

If you answered yes, then this is an attachment that has become a part of you. That's fine and maybe down the road, you'll come back to this exercise when you realize it no longer serves you.

If you answered no, then you see what you just wrote down as something that's not a part of you. And now the time has come to release, to let it go.

Here's what Miguel Ruiz Jr. recommends for releasing this judgment on your life. Say the following  statement out loud:

" I ____________, have used negative self-talk to subjugate myself with conditional love. I forgive myself for doing so, and I will now let this false belief go." 

Now crush up your piece of paper and toss it in the trash!

You've officially detached from a belief that no longer exists in your mind.

For more great exercise like this and to better The Narrator, Ally, and Parasite grab a copy of Don Miguel Ruiz Jr.'s Master of Self (this exercise is in Chapter 3: Unconditional Love for Yourself)

P.S. Check out this really cool Instagram clip of Miguel Ruiz Jr. in Boulder.

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